i was in a car accident several months ago. it was quite severe. it was the kind of accident you hear about on 6 o'clock the news. where both drivers are killed in a head on collision. only in my case both drivers weren't killed. we both walked away. from what i'd come to learn later the other driver was basically fine outside some scrapes and bruises. my injuries were also fairly minor in comparison to some. a shattered femur and a chewed up forehead. nothing to be taken lightly, sure, but i was able to be put back together and back up on my feet in a few months. i felt, and still feel, incredibly lucky.
to be honest it's a feeling of more than luck. it swells from inside of me. it starts, usually, with happiness. amazing joy at the fact that i am still alive. i'm able to walk and talk and have my life continue on in the way that i'm accustomed. i have some discomfort and i'm not as fast as i used to be, but my life has continued on without any major hiccups.
after the happiness fades, i feel sadness. i think of other people in my same situation. people who weren't able to walk away. accidents where people have lost limbs. who have lost the ability to think or speak. people who have lost loved ones. people who have had their lives completely turned inside out while having to learn how to speak again. or having to learn how to use a wheelchair. my sadness is rooted in guilt. i have feelings of guilt for surviving my accident unharmed when so many others have not been so lucky.
i never want to erase or forget the happiness, the sadness, or the feeling of unbelievable luck. i need to use these feelings to better myself and better the world.